If you’ve logged in to social media in 2019, you likely know the phrase “toxic masculinity” and have heard the roar on both sides surrounding it. In the last week the American Psychological Association released a rattling 36-page report on the subject, and Gillette stunned the country with its “The Best Men Can Be” rebrand. But, what is toxic masculinity? Is all masculinity toxic? Can you still be a man and purchase MACH5 products, or do you have to succumb to being a maybe-hipster who only buys from Harry’s or Dollar Shave Club?
First, what is toxic masculinity? When I first heard the phrase it was clear as day to me, but I think for men it’s definitely more abrasive to hear, and rightfully so. The phrase “toxic feminism” definitely ruffles my feathers- but more on that later. For the purposes of this piece I went to the only source we can all trust in 2019: Wikipedia. Wiki sent me to a page on a term I’d never heard before: Hegemonic masculinity. Turns out, I was about to become educated, too. I won’t lie, I was on a mission, so I didn’t read everything. But I did click down to what I was looking for. Per Wiki:
“Connell argues that an important feature of hegemonic masculinity is the use of “toxic” practices such as physical violence, which may serve to reinforce men’s dominance over women in Western societies.[3] Other scholars have used the term toxic masculinity to refer to stereotypically masculine gender roles that restrict the kinds of emotions allowable for boys and men to express, including social expectations that men seek to be dominant (the “alpha male”) and limit their emotional range primarily to expressions of anger.”
So what does this mean for just masculinity? Anything? Let’s find a commenter to help us discuss further.
As of this afternoon, this is the most interacted with comment on CNN’s “Why Gillette’s ad slamming toxic masculinity is drawing cheers – and anger.” As always, commenters identities are protected the best they can be, no names, no profile pictures, using the logic that anything you say online can come back to be discussed. Maybe even in a blog.
One of my personal pet peeves is when men say “not all men” to me when discussing gender issues. Especially the men that I know intimately and care about. Something about the phrase always makes me suspicious of the person delivering it. I know when I lie about something, I usually go out of my way to distance myself from it. If my boss asks me to shred documents and I forget to and then she follows up? “Oh yeah, I did that yesterday and then after that I did x and then after that X and I worked on…” you get what I’m saying. “Not all men” just triggers the same response in my brain. I know good and well that NOT all men are rapists, assailants, misogynists. Instead of telling me about all the bad things you personally haven’t done, why not indulge me in the times you intervened when your friend was being a creep? More often than not, that sentiment turns my male conversation partner away. I won’t try to figure out why.
Is “toxic masculinity” really prejudice? Honestly, no. It really isn’t. By definition, the phrase is not prejudiced whatsoever. Using the logic that Wiki provided us above, not all masculinity is toxic, and you’re not being discriminated against if someone’s calling you out on it. In the same way that “toxic feminism” can exist (looking at you, every woman who’s ever judged me for wanting to get married someday) it just takes some self recognition that you personally can have toxic traits and that you have an opportunity every day to work on them.
To wrap up this comment commentary, I’d like to tackle what is arguably the most bogus portion of this comment. “You would NEVER see a tampon commercial saying “don’t be a b***h” and then tying feminism to it.” Advertisements have long picked apart everything about women. Never does this ad by Gillette say “don’t be a dick” it says that men can be better. We can all be better.
The Comment Section 